Album of the Week - The Dinosaur Record

The Dinosaur Record - (Super Tempo 1980)

When I first saw the cover of this album I, like all right thinking people, thought "dinosaur's, cool" and made plans to take it home with me. Just what sort of music would appear on a record that was meant to represent dinosaur's? Have a think for yourself and see what comes up but I'm guessing most people would go for some classic metal, Sabbath or Hawkwind.

Never has the phrase about judging books by their covers been more true than here. What dinosaur's actually seem to like is a collection of prog rock, cod reggae and lullabies. But given that this is meant for children perhaps its a bit much to expect wild riffs and strong drumming.

This record would appear to have been created by a family as every one who appears on it bears the name Croft. Mike and Chris are the brains behind it all and Janine, Emma and Rachel help out with vocals (one assumes that this children belong to the former mentioned Crofts).

Essentially this is an exercise conducted to show just what a keyboard in 1980 was capable off. There's a variety of styles which suggest that much use was made of the buttons that offer a different style of music and for at least one song perhaps a push of the demo button.

Open track Dinosaur's the world was yours is a prog rock lament to the departed creatures. But before this disappears into a Yes style concept record the pace is quickly change as one of the children sings a slow paced song about when the world was young. T Rex is given much more heavy sounding song although I doubt they would approve of the use of keyboards given their short arms which must be a hindrance to their playing of the instrument.

Stand out track has to be Brontosaurus will you wait for me? A touching story about a child wanting a new friend. The song was actually covered in the same year by David Bellamy who remarkably improves upon the original.

I can picture the whole Croft family sat in there home working on this album and I'm sure they had a good time making it. But given the end results there is something to be said for the current generations break down in the family unit as nothing like this will ever see the light of day. Hard to believe that in a time that saw The Clash, The Specials and Blondie set the world on fire that else were this kind of nonsense was going on.

But of course this is a record made for children and judging by the amount of scribbling on the liner sleeve this has been played by its target audience. Although its hard to work out if these crude hieroglyphs are in approval of the songs or the sign of mind being slowly driven to insanity.

The dinosaur record disappoints as much as the cover delights.

Football Fashion Faux Pas - Fiorentina

Football shirts are big business these days and in the modern age are no longer made with the sole purpose of letting two teams tell each apart. Kits are now produced with a keen eye on what the fans want, after all they will provide a huge income to the clubs. As such the world of fashion has entered into the beautiful game as designers of shirts try to produce something that will look just as good in the pub as it does on the pitch. Sometimes these efforts are not quite pulled off with the expected aplomb and end in something quite wrong. So let me guide you through the world of footballs fashion faux pas's.



So lets begin with perhaps the biggest faux pas of them all, the 1992-93 away shirt of Fiorentina. Hard to imagine that a team from this beautiful city renowned for its culture and art could ever produce an ugly football kit. On the face of it there doesn't seem much wrong but look closely and you can that the top of the shirt is actually full of swastikas, yes that's right the sign so loved by the Nazi's.

Its hard to find out if this was a deliberate move to position the club to the far right of politics or just an honest mistake. Perhaps it was an attempt to appeal to Hindu's that was taken out of context. Whatever the motives the shirt was withdrawn during the course of the season.

Actually there is quite a strong like with the far right and Italian football. Interestingly Fiorentina were actually founded by Lugi Ridolfi, a prominent fascist and play in a stadium that used to bear the name of Giovanni Berta, another high profile fascist. Add to that the fact that current manager is Sinisa Mihajilovic who, as well as being the greatest ever free kick taker is also a racist and supporter of Serbian warlord Akran, a man who was wanted for 24 counts of crimes against humanity. (although there are things in the story of Mihajilovic and indeed Serbia that can at least show that choices in life are complex rather than merely based on hate, but the man is still not all that nice)

Lets not write Fiorentina off as a bunch of nasty types, last year they gave the shirt sponsorship to Save the Children and helped them out with promotion and funding for the charity.

Religious Doctrine and Video Games.

Recently I've been playing Dante's Inferno on the xbox which as one might surmise from the title is based on the work of Dante. It came out around a year ago but I've only just got around to playing it and as such the thoughts that it brings up in my mind are only now coming to light.

The game is based loosely on the 14th century poem, which is used as a blue print to form the world in which you play. Pixel Dante is much more pro active than his paper bound namesake (wielding a huge weapon and killing demons) and is the one to rescue the girl rather than the girl saving him. No doubt a student of both poem and game could form an impressive text of how things differ but for once that is not my point.

Visceral Games have used the source material to create a truly amazing setting for the game. It impressed my greatly but at the same time made me recoil and ask the TV just what the hell it thought it was trying to show me. Certainly the huge read 18 stamped on the box is well earned and this game is not for children.

Although children do feature in the game. They turn up in the first circle, limbo. This is the place where the good heathens and the unbaptised live, not so much punished just not allowed into heaven. Thus it is here we find a lot of children, there's not always time to get them to a font. So in limbo you will find yourself attacked by countless small children oh and the swords for arms and you have to kill them. In fact once you kill twenty of them a little achievement sign pops up telling you "you have killed 20 unbaptised children" and you get some points for it.

Now I could talk about violence in video games but no, not today. There were some protests over this baby killing but it turned out to have been staged by the games promoters. This in turn was actually protested for real.

Is it right that a game should allow you to kill children in hell? Well its based on a book, and one that is seen as a cornerstone of European culture. Admittedly it takes a much more graphic and violent interpretation than most others have done. But if there are issues with the game then there must be issues with book?

What this has actually made me think about is the notion of religious doctrine. Because the idea of limbo and its child inhabitants is a Catholic idea. As such the actions you take in the game are based on what the church has said. One might argue that again its a loose interpretation but my point is that its an idea formed in the mind of Catholics and is part of their theology.

A few years ago the Pope announced that this concept no longer applied and that God would make sure all infants got into heaven as its not their fault and they have done nothing wrong. Its just the limbo for the kiddies that has gone though all us Godless heathers will still be there. Now as far as I know this has never actually been a "word of God" law more of an idea. All bit it an idea that has at times been used very strongly and vehemently and has been believed by a great many people.

It seems the church are now fudging the issue a bit and saying that its just a theory, we don't know what God gets up to and if people want to think it then that's cool. No doubt with the expansion in to lands with a high infant mortality its a handy idea to keep hold off.

Clearly it existed in order to get people in to the faith, any children who lived into adulthood would thus be part of the flock. But in these modern times and medical mirlces the number of infant deaths in some countries is very small. We are also less impressed by such scare tactics and very few people want to hear about babies in limbo. So, to move with the times and to show how caring they are the church change things around.

So finally in my long winded way we come to the heart of the matter. How can religious doctrine, ideology or thinking be changed in any way? Its one of the main things that has puzzled me about religion. I can appreciate a belief in God because that seems pretty absolute. Its when people and organisations get in on the act and start deciding what God wants. If someone was wrong years ago how can it now be allowed? The Pope is even ever so slightly relaxing the rule on condoms. But I thought God hated those things.

To me it seems like a lot of what Churches say has nothing to with God but is to serve there own interest or to get the faithful to behave how they want, sometimes for good it has to be said. Why do Muslims and Jews not eat pork? Most likely has something to do with all those people in the middle east who died from eating ill prepared bacon so rules get made to stop them doing so. Is Armageddon the wraith of God or simply hidden propaganda of Jewish resistance to Roman rule?

I can see why this things come into being but then they drift into "fact" and peoples lives are affected by humans deciding what God has planned for us. Its this sort of things that has kept me away from religion, well that and not believing in God of course. But as a said I can see the point or need of following God or Gods and I think that need is part of being human. In deed so much so that we invented God ourselves but are slowly moving onto other things as we advance.

But I don't want to told how to think by people who claim to know what God thinks any more than I want a politician telling me how to behave. Why is the Pope Gods go to guy? I don't get it and I kind of resent it and its implications.

So, ur, yeah. these are my thoughts playing the game which, while being over reliant on button bashing is a good game that's worth playing, even if your mind does wonder a little while you do so.

Album of the Week - Paddy Roberts

Hello dear reader and welcome to a new segment. I do most humbly present to you the album of the week. A not original concept I will grant you but hopefully one that may provide some fulfillment. Especially as its not the latest hipster bands I'm promoting but records with weird and wonderful covers.

Cover collecting, I don't know it that is the official term but it should serve the purpose here, is becoming quite popular these days and there are a few sites dedicated to it. Whats great about it is that unlike most vinyl sought by collectors they are very cheap.

All the records that I use are owned by me and have, for the most part, been acquired from charity shops. As someone who helps out at my local Save the Children shop I do have access to quite a lot of interesting stuff. Records are displayed in a stylish frame given to me as a present by thoughtfull and rather lovely friends.

So on with the show.



Album of the Week - Songs for Gay Dogs by Paddy Roberts (1963 Decca Records)

This is the first silly cover record I bought and perhaps my favorite. After all it does say gay dogs and that's funny right.

Paddy Roberts was born in South Africa and served in the RAF as a pilot during the war. Despite ones first thoughts about the above album it turns out that he was also a very successful and respected song writer. Two times winner of the Ivor Novello Award no less, although Lilly Allen got one of those last year so perhaps that's not saying to much.

Paddy wrote some of the big hits of the 1950's for the likes of Max Bygraves and Frankie Vaughan. His own work seems to be focused more on risque comedy songs, "Merry Christmas you suckers" was one of his two singles.

He has a similar singing style to that of Noel Coward and other such wits and these seem to have been a big infulence on him. The record includes songs such as Three Old Ladies (of locked in a lavortory fame) and Sweet Fanny Adams. Paddy does seem to of been a rather charming and witty fellow and I suspect he was a hit at parties and thanks to this album cover that still proves to be the case.